


Life, Art, and Bad Television

by molly2012



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2013-10-09
Packaged: 2017-12-28 22:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/997711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molly2012/pseuds/molly2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television" (Woody Allen). Fantasy and reality collide for Jane when she is asked to act as a consultant on a popular TV cop show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life, Art, and Bad Television

_Just a bit of fun - hope you all enjoy!_

**_DISCLAIMER - I do not own anything connected with Rizzoli & Isles (or any real people mentioned here)._ **

* * *

'You are joking'.

'Do I look like I'm joking, Rizzoli?'

Jane paused for a moment, searching Lieutenant Cavanaugh's face for any sign of humour, however small, but quickly had to admit defeat. Her boss was wearing the same serious expression that she had come to associate with a bad case gone wrong, and she couldn't see so much as a hint of a smile.

'No', she sighed. 'You don't. But...'

'No buts'. Cavanaugh leaned back in his chair, keen eyes watching Jane as she shifted on the spot in front of his desk. 'It won't take long. It's good PR - which, by the way, we could really use right now. And you don't have anything on that needs your urgent attention...do you?'

Jane bit her bottom lip, wondering whether the small pile of cold cases that she had been inputting into the computer system counted as 'urgent'. Somehow, she thought not.

'No, sir, but...'

'Good'. Cavanaugh picked up a large brown envelope that had been sitting on his desk, and Jane reluctantly took it as he handed it to her. 'Take tomorrow to read it, and get it back to them asap. Ok?'

Jane looked at the envelope in disbelief. When Cavanaugh had called her into his office, she had been expecting her head to roll over the fiasco that had been their last case. She had been prepared for that, and had her defence, such as it was, all ready on the tip of her tongue. Not that it had actually been her fault in the first place, but since her name was on the paperwork, she was ready to take the rap. But there had been no mention of the case. Instead, she had been given this. A draft script for a popular TV cop show that had an upcoming episode set in Boston, and wanted a local 'consultant' in the homicide department to make sure that they had things right.

This was far worse.

'Sir, I don't know the first thing about TV...I mean, apart from how to watch it'. The feeble joke had been an attempt to disguise the fact that she was close to disobeying what she thought had probably been an order, but the slight narrowing of Cavanaugh's eyes showed that he was not fooled. 'I won't even know what half of this means'.

'You don't need to know. Just read the script bit of it and tell them where they've cocked it up. Watch a couple of previous episodes if you really have to'. He paused. 'I'm going to be paying you to sit at home on your ass for a day and read. Don't knock it'.

'Exactly'. Jane waved the folder in a last, desperate attempt to get her point across. 'Surely there's better things I could be doing? Even cold cases?'

'Just read the damn thing, Rizzoli'.

Jane sighed, and ran her free hand through her unruly curls, cursing the frizz along with everything else. This really was turning out to be a crap day.

'Fine'. She turned towards the door, the envelope clutched in one hand, before pausing to ask one more question.

'Why me?'

'Because it's a cop show, Rizzoli, and last time I looked, you're a cop'.

'So's Korsak. And Frankie...hey, Frankie would love to do this! Can't I give it to him?'

'Rizzoli...' Cavanaugh sighed in exasperation, but before he could say anything else, Jane threw up her hands in a gesture of surrender.

'Okay. Whatever'.

'Good'. He sounded relieved. 'Close the door on your way out'.

Jane stood in the corridor, looking at the offending envelope as if it was emitting a bad smell, and took a deep breath. She had never heard of such a colossal waste of time. And if this was punishment for the mistakes on the case that hadn't even been her fault, she decided that she didn't even want to think about what might happen if she ever really did mess up.

It didn't help that everyone else seemed to think that she had landed on a bed of roses.

'Seriously?' Vince Korsak's mouth dropped open. 'Why not me? I coulda done that!'

'Yeah'. Jane's partner, Frost, rolled his eyes as he looked at Jane enviously. 'Right. Hey, is that the show that has that actress playing the medical examiner? What's her name? The hot one?'

'Excuse me?'

Jane whirled around to see Dr Maura Isles - chief medical examiner - standing in the doorway, a slight frown on her face, and she couldn't help but smirk as Frost turned bright red.

'Uh, we weren't talking about you, Dr Isles...I mean...not that you're not hot... I mean, I didn't mean...that.'

'Oh. What did you mean, Detective Frost?'

But Jane could have sworn that she saw a small twinkle in Maura's eye as the other woman walked over to perch on the corner of Jane's desk.

'I...uh...' Frost gulped. 'Jane's got a script to read for that cop show. The famous one set in San Francisco'.

Maura wrinkled her brow as she twisted round to look at Jane, and Jane shrugged, noting that Frost looked very relieved to have Maura's attention drawn away from him .

'Tailor-made penance for last week. Apparently they want a 'consultant' - she made mocking speech marks with her fingers - 'for an episode filmed in Boston. So I get to waste my time reading a draft script and marking up all their stupid mistakes'.

She couldn't believe her eyes when Maura's puzzled expression cleared to leave...excitement?

'Really?' That definitely sounded excited. 'That's amazing, Jane!'

'No'. Jane looked at her blankly. 'It's not'.

But Maura's eyes were wide with happy surprise, and she was practically wriggling with enthusiasm on Jane's desk. Quite apart from the fact that the movement was very distracting, Jane couldn't believe that she wasn't getting more sympathy.

'You seen it, Doc?' Korsak looked quite impressed, but Maura shook her head cheerfully.

'No. I don't watch police procedurals. Too much like work'.

'While Animal Planet is so entertaining', Jane muttered.

'Do you watch it, Sergeant Korsak?'

'Well, sometimes, you know'. Korsak looked a little embarrassed. 'When there's nothing else on'.

'Look', Jane interrupted before Maura could speak again. 'It's not a big deal. I'll read it tomorrow, send it back...that's all there is to it'.

'You should at least watch some of the episodes, Jane. And if there's a medical examiner in it as well, then I could maybe help'. Maura reached for the envelope, but Jane clamped a hand down on it and raised her eyebrows, while Maura narrowed her eyes.

'Yeah, you should watch some', Frost echoed.

'Come over later and we can take a look'.

We?

Jane groaned, and dropped her head to the desk on top of the envelope.

She might as well have been banging it against a brick wall.

* * *

'You sure you wanna do this, Maura?' Jane asked. For once, they had left the precinct on time and, after eating a take-out dinner from the deli, she was now comfortable in her sweatpants on Maura's sofa. Twisting around, she watched Maura pour herself a glass of red wine. 'I don't need to watch it'.

'Yes, you do'. Maura sounded as if she was actually looking forward to it, and she smiled cheerfully as she walked over and placed her wine on the coffee table, along with a bottle of beer for Jane. The TV was muted on the sports channel while Jane mutinously scowled at the remote that she held in her hand, and Maura nudged her as she settled herself at the other end of the sofa. 'But you'll need to give me the basics. What's it about?'

Jane took a deep breath, and screwed up her face. She had only ever seen it once, but she had heard people talking about it, and had seen the promos.

'A cop', she replied at last.

'Yes, I had worked that bit out'.

'Funny'. Jane picked up the bottle of beer that Maura had brought over for her. 'Ok, well, it's about a homicide cop - a woman - and the team she works with. And there's an ME - also a woman. It's just them working on cases, and their over-dramatic love lives'.

'Oh'. Maura thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. 'A bit like us, then'.

'What?' Jane looked over at Maura in surprise. 'No! Since when did either you or I have a dramatic love life?'

Maura took a sip of her wine as she tried not to laugh. 'Well, that could be open for debate'.

'They keep trying to get the cop together with another character - I think it's a naval officer - and the ME has this on-off thing going with another doctor who never seems to be there'.

'You seem to know a lot about it considering you've never watched it'. Maura was smirking, and Jane gestured indignantly with the remote.

'Yeah, because some of us actually live on this planet and read the newspapers and TV magazines'.

'I read newspapers', Maura retorted. 'Just not the trashy ones'. She paused to take another sip of wine. 'So...is she hot?'

Jane wrinkled her brow. 'What?'

'The ME', Maura explained innocently. 'Frost said she was...hot?'

Jane looked at her, askance. She had no intention of getting into that - or of admitting that yes, she thought the actress was pretty sexy. She certainly wasn't going to say that she also thought the actress looked a lot like Maura.

'Couldn't comment on that'.

'Ah'. Maura nodded sagely, but Jane suddenly had a horrible feeling that she hadn't been fooled at all, and quickly pointed the remote at the wall-mounted television to cover her mounting embarrassment.

'Don't say I didn't warn you'.

They had barely been watching for ten minutes before Maura started shaking her head.

'No, no, no'.

Jane glanced over to see the other woman reaching over to the coffee table for a notebook and pen that had been lying there.

'Maura?'

'That is wrong'.

'What's wrong?'

But Maura was scribbling furiously, and it was a few seconds before she replied.

'You would always open the pulmonary artery before removing the heart. To check for blood clots and other abnormalities. It's far easier to do while the heart is still...'

'Maura', Jane interrupted. 'We're just watching this, okay? For background. Not picking it to bits'.

'But they should know for future reference'.

'So you're gonna write to them and tell them they've got their autopsy wrong?'

Maura nodded seriously. 'Yes. Possibly'.

Jane rolled her eyes.  _Only Maura._

For the next half hour, she tried to ignore the occasional mutterings and sounds of the pen scratching across the paper that came from the other end of the sofa, and concentrated on watching the show. As the episode wore on, she had to admit that actually it wasn't bad. Not as good as the hype made it out to be, but not as terrible as she had assumed it would be. And she couldn't see many procedural mistakes.

Not nearly as many as Maura seemed to be finding.

'Maura...' Jane propped her legs up on the coffee table and turned to face the honey-blonde, who was now sitting with her legs curled underneath her and the notebook balanced on her knees. 'What are you finding to write, exactly?'

'There's quite a few little things that they've got wrong'. Maura was gazing at the screen, her eyes slightly narrowed. 'Who did you say the producer is?'

Jane sighed in exasperation. 'I didn't. But it'll be on the script, I think'.

Maura looked over at her, eyebrows raised, and Jane realised that she was waiting for her to supply a name. Grumbling her way off the sofa and over to the kitchen table, Jane picked up the envelope and shook out the sheath of paper inside, scanning the front page.

'Bill...no, wrong one. Janet Tamaro'.

'Hmm'.

Jane dropped the script back onto the table, and padded back over to the sofa, adjusting the waistband of her sweatpants as she did so.

'You're not really gonna write all that in to them, are you?'

'Maybe'. Maura frowned slightly as she continued to watch the television. 'Is that the navy officer you were talking about?'

'Uh...yeah'. Jane slouched back onto the cushions, and looked properly at the scene taking place on screen. A serious talk, by the looks of it...night time, of course, in the cop's apartment. Dim lighting, sad music. The guy was actually kind of cute, Jane thought, tilting her head on one side. And the apartment looked about as small as hers was - just without the piles of laundry and general mess everywhere. Maybe her mother was right after all. If she kept her apartment a bit tidier, maybe she really would have more luck in the man department.

Or any department, really.

'Wait, is he dumping her?'

Maura nodded. 'Apparently he's not good enough for her'.

'Hmmph. He's cute enough'.

To her surprise, Maura looked at her in amazement.

'You really think those two are good together?'

'Uh...' Jane looked at the screen again, where the cop was now practically crying, begging the officer to give her a chance, and she screwed up her nose in distaste. 'I guess. Why not?'

'Because there is zero chemistry'. Maura gestured with her almost-empty wine glass to emphasise her point, and the notebook slid off her knees to the floor. 'They don't work together'.

'You can't have a main character without a love interest, though'. Jane took a mouthful of beer. 'Wouldn't work. No one would watch it'.

'Then...why not the ME?'

_Why not the.._.

'What?' Jane spluttered into her beer bottle.

Maura didn't seem to notice that her comment had made Jane flustered enough to blush, and carried on talking, pointing at the screen.

'Those two have chemistry. They'd be great together. The navy guy...it just doesn't work, somehow'.

'Maura...' Jane swallowed, hard. 'The ME's a woman'.

'So?' Maura shrugged. 'Does it really matter?'

Jane blinked. She and Maura had never really talked about this, and it felt a bit strange.

'No' she admitted. 'I guess not'.

'They're a bit like us, really'.

Jane's eyes widened, but Maura was looking thoughtfully at the screen, where the closing credits of the episode were beginning to roll. This was getting a bit close for comfort.

'You trying to say we have chemistry, Maura?'

She had meant it as a joke, but Maura didn't laugh. Jane felt her stomach clench as she saw Maura thinking. Deciding. And then, when she finally turned to Jane, there was a glint of something in her eye that Jane had not seen before, and couldn't quite place.

But whatever it was, it made her heart beat a little faster.

'Don't you?'

Did she?

Somehow, she didn't think that Maura meant the comfortable, totally natural easiness that they felt with each other. Jane could talk to Maura about anything. Maura was the first person she turned to when she needed a shoulder to cry on, or someone to celebrate with, or just wanted a gossip over a coffee or a beer. And she knew that Maura felt the same...but that didn't constitute 'chemistry'.

Maybe, she thought, Maura was talking about the tingles that she felt - and tried to ignore - every time they touched, or hugged. Maybe 'chemistry' was the way her breathing got a little faster whenever she saw Maura in one of those perfectly-fitted dresses that she often wore. Maybe it was the way she often got jealously over-protective if she sensed any kind of threat...the way that she hated to think about Maura with a man. The way that she suffered through double date after double date just so that she could spend the evening with Maura, and not sit at home thinking about it. The way that she...well, there was only one word for what she occasionally did in bed, alone. Fantasised - and it always involved Maura.

If that's what Maura was talking about...

'Uh...yeah', she finally squeaked. 'I guess'.

She hadn't noticed Maura moving closer, until she felt her beer bottle being gently prised out of her hand. She watched as it was placed carefully down on the coffee table, and had to close her eyes as she felt a brush of soft hair against her shoulder, and the smooth touch of Maura's arm against hers.

Damn it.

She really hadn't meant for this to happen.

But now, after months and months of ignoring it, and pretending it didn't exist, 'it' was now staring her right in the face. Chemistry.

That was a good word for it.

And, although she would never have even dared to wonder, it seemed like Maura thought so too.

Turning her head and opening her eyes just enough to see what she was doing, Jane leaned over and caught Maura's lips with hers. Gently, softly - but not so delicately that it could be mistaken. As she pulled back slightly, she realised that she was holding her breath, waiting to see what Maura's response would be.

She didn't have to wait long.

When they broke apart again, several moments later, Jane found herself wondering how a simple kiss could turn her into a tingling, shaking, throbbing mess. She couldn't think. She certainly couldn't speak. All she wanted was Maura's lips back on hers and for it never to end. Ever.

'You have tomorrow off, don't you?'

Jane blinked, and tried to focus.

'Yeah'.

'Good'. Maura ran her fingers through Jane's hair, and Jane instinctively leaned into the touch as she tried to think about why it might be good that she had tomorrow off. Then it dawned on her, and her mouth formed a little 'o' as she caught the smile on Maura's face.

'You want to...?'

Maura nodded, her other hand now creeping up Jane's thigh.

'You don't?'

All the nights she had lain awake and thought about this. Dreamt about it. Wished for it, albeit slightly guiltily. And now she could make it happen. But...

'Isn't it a bit...' She cleared her throat, and tried again. 'A bit sudden?'

'Jane, I've been thinking about this for two years and four months now. I wouldn't call that sudden'.

Oh.

Jane didn't try and speak again, but just nodded mutely.

'Okay'. Maura leaned even closer, her breath tickling Jane's ear. 'And then -after we've had the morning in bed - I can read over that script with you, and add in all those things I'd marked down...'

'Umm-hmm'.

With Maura's lips that close to the sensitive spot on her neck, Jane would have probably said yes to anything.

'...especially the last one'.

But Jane's brain was too fuddled to remember anything of what Maura had been writing down, never mind the last point that she had made, and she shook her head slightly to indicate that she wasn't following.

'The one...' Jane felt Maura smile against her neck, and all rational thought was lost in the sensation that shot straight from her ear down through her stomach. She only vaguely heard what Maura said, but, in the heat of the moment, found herself agreeing entirely.

'The one where I pointed out that this Janet Tamaro really should get the detective and the doctor together'.


End file.
